What Single Focus is Saying to Each Other

In conjunction with our Midweek Connection series entitled, "Relationships in 3s," we solicited input from the entire Single Focus group regarding the areas of morality, interaction, and dating. In particular, we asked the guys to give input in these areas for their sisters, and we inquired of the ladies for input about these issues for their brothers.

We did this to emphasize the family focus of the body of Christ, and to remind ourselves that none of us make decisions in a vacuum. Even in the delicate area of morality, we are helped by having some of these discussions in a mixed group so that we can look into each other's faces and remind ourselves that we should be living for one another, even as we live for Christ (cf. Romans 14).

Specifically, regarding those three areas mentioned above, we asked each group to share with the opposite gender (1) what they wanted to thank them for, (2) what they wanted to share with them, and (3) how they wanted to counsel them. It's humorous that even in the length of conversation from one group to another, the God-ordained complementary differences of the genders are highlighted. Here's what the guys and girls had to say to one another:

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From the Girls to the Guys

Regarding Morality

• Thank you for making the stand to stay pure even in this society that is full of trash. We feel that there is a lot of genuine fellowship and we are able to talk to you openly. We sense that our guys want to care about us and that they're not showing attention for ulterior motives.
  
• We are looking for leaders in the moral choices – please step up! If you afraid to, we will back you.
  
• We want to encourage you to stay in God’s Word. Continue with godly friendships here that help you grow.

Regarding Interaction

• Thank you for being leaders and for staying very humble. We have always sensed that you are very respectful with us in our interactions.
  
• We would encourage the guys to go to their sisters here for questions they may have about girls, or just in general. We won’t look down on you.
• Please don't be afraid to be brotherly and friendly to us. We need your fellowship! We want you to be willing to initiate deeper conversations. Guy, please, take first step. We don’t want to feel like the “leader” or a bold person to go up to you first. We won’t read into your initiative either!
• Continue to reach out to the newcomer girls too.
• We like the idea of "friend dates," and we promise not to think that you want to marry us. Please ask! Invite us out to coffee or something, just to get to know each other better. Or, do things in smaller groups just to hang out. Also, it would probably help if you clarified the purpose of the date – in other words, please just be honest and tell us that it’s “just get to know you better and encourage you.” If you ask, and we say “no,” don’t think it’s something personal; it may be a family “rule” or personal decision.
• Please continue practicing unconditional love. While it may be stereotypical, it does seem true that girls are generally more “emotional” and guys are more “focused," and in the end we can tend to push each other off. We want to work together with you in understanding one another.

Regarding Dating

• Thank you for your thoughtfulness in caring and showing attention for the one that you are dating. For those that are dating, thank you for still being involved in the whole Single Focus group, and getting to know all of us. You seem to have a really good balance, and we appreciate that.
• Thank you that you are sensitive towards and moldable by the Word of God in this area.
  
• Please go and talk to our dads, if you are really interested. We want you to get to know our parents and be willing to honor their standards and opinions.
• Please don't think that a life of "ministry" is diminished by having a wife. Please don't think something like "She's so much more spiritual than me, so I don't have the right to pursue her." Also, please don't think that your past failures will make us reject you. Just demonstrate that you're walking in the light and seeking God, like Paul was, even though he had baggage in the past. Most woman don't think you're perfect anyway.
• Don't necessarily expect that the person God has for you has to look like you (e.g., race, color of skin, hair, height, culture, nationality, church background, hobbies, etc.). Consider Ruth – that was God's will without a doubt, and they weren't like each other at all.  Furthermore, please get to know a woman's heart before you write her off your list – look beyond the outer shell.  Finally, please don't compare us to the beauty queens in advertisements, etc. There's enough pressure as it is! While we want to be beautiful, we want you to get to know the "real" us and love us for that. We know that when you do, we'll be more secure in you!
  
• Regarding communication and standards: Once we're dating, please talk to us. Be willing to talk about everything and please open the lines of communication right away. There are a lot of assumptions between us, so communicate and be open. We were all raised so differently, so talk about the differences and how to work with them. Lay out standards for “the two of us” really early (For example: “We are not going to do this…”), so that we will be less likely to fall. Please also respect our standards, even if they are different than what you would want, and also don’t bend yours just because ours are different.
  
• Regarding activities: We really want to have fun together! We don't want to always get hung up on the rules and standards. Please do something with us that we both enjoy (this may take some finding out!), even if it is something that you would not normally do.
• Regarding discipleship: Please pray with us. Perhaps we could go through the same devotions, so that we'll be on the same page. Please be willing to talk about what God is teaching you…be confident enough to bring up those things with us. If you see something spiritually wrong in us, tell us how it makes you feel and how it’s hurting God, too. It may help to bring up positive things too, and then you’ll be freer to bring the negatives. While we may not like to be “preached at," we do want you to  gently show us what we need to change. Please pray for us, and always take us back to God!

From the Guys to the Girls

• Thank the for your faith in Christ, your partnership in the ministry here, and your godly testimony among our group and toward the outside, too, especially in your modest dress.
  
• Thank you for the way you treat us – that you talk with us, interact with us, are pleasant around us and even sweet toward us, and aren't snobbish. Thank you for not thinking that you're better than us; many of you are very spiritual, but you don't hold that over us, or look down at us, or rub that in our faces.
• Thank you for your emotions that cause us to think about and force us to identify with things.
• Thank you for mixing up the interaction during the Sunday night fellowship times.
• Please continue to dress carefully and discerningly. We want to exercise faith, love Jesus, and chose purity of mind, but we would humbly ask you, our sisters, to help us with how you dress, especially since the rest of our society purposefully makes it difficult for us.
• We want to break down the awkwardness of hanging out...we're praying for courage, but we want you to be wise and not read into our invitations. Feel free to ask us, too. We want guys and girls here to agree that going out to coffee is not considered a date, and we want to respect each other in this area. We want to move beyond the juvenile thinking of "you must be dating because you had lunch together."
• Please be honest with us...tell us what you're thinking and how you feel. If you want/need to turn us down, please just do it and honestly explain.
• Finally, please stay close to the Lord – love God with your heart and mind.